It has been very quiet of late.. I have not seen Seve or Mezzo.. but I did see Cana and Kaeli head off with some OR and so I did what every good young women does.. I followed them.. We ended up at some dweller playground where warriors call out for others to come fight them..

Cana and Kaeil were taking care of two warriors that I suspose had sparred.. they did not seem to hurt to me.. they did seem a bit forward.. one tried to eat my fingers. I counted them to make sure he had not succeded.. Then he gave me a piece of metal to get some drinks.. I found the vendor and traded him for 2 pagas and 3 waters.. then made my way back..

It was not long before I spotted Tasco.. I guess he followed us as well.. He seemed as confused as me.. never having been there before.. There was a warrior calling out for someone to come fight him.. Well Tasco being the Tuchuk he is. went down and fought the man.. what surprised me and scared me was they used weapons.. Now I have seen spars before. but never with weapons..Cana and Kaeli both spoke to me quietly as I stood against the rail and watched.. be strong.. confident. support him.. my insides were a tumble of nerves.. but I had faith in Tasco.. this was a dweller he was fighting...and this was a dweller he beat... and I mean beat.. I think his entire life passed before my eyes.. what I wanted to say was Tasco.. that was the dumbest thing I have ever seen... but I didn't. Kaeli tended to his shoulder wound.. and told him 5 days.. he needed to rest.. and I was to make sure he did..

I will let Noni know.. she can sit on him better than I can.. but I will watch out for him.. We left for the camp.. and he said something to me that I had waited to hear for such a long time.. He had missed me.. I wanted to just hug him. but I kept myself composed. My heart was singing.. but until he decides what he wants.. I will keep silent of my feelings.. but I know my heart..

Just a Glimpse

I saw him in the distance.. but he did not see me.. I called out but no response.. It was very early in the morning.. and I had just came back from the herds.. I sat on the step of my wagon for a long while and just watched his wagon.. soon a slave left and crawled back to the slave wagons. Shaking my head I had to smile slightly.. well at least he is still alive..

I stripped off my leathers.. and released my hair from its braid.. and sat for a moment in the cotton slip I wore under my leathers.. picking up the brush I fell back on my furs and brushed my hair.. and then rubbed a little oil in my hands and ran it softly over the long thick mass of black hair.. and then brushed it some more..

Finally.. I laid back.. and tried to sleep.. I tossed and turned.. trying not to think of the slave that left his wagon.. she was not pretty not ugly.. she was nothing really.. most of them are.. used and put away wet for the most part. I can not even imagine what their lives are like.. being dragged off by any warrior and being used so many times .. makes me ill to think about. Not a life I would like or would even entertain.. but I suspose some women like that kind of life.. Nope not this tuchuk..

I rolled over on my side.. I still could not sleep.. I took a drink of water from the bota I put there earlier in the evening.. Sometimes I wish I be brave enough to bring in a bota of paga.. I bet I would sleep then..

Finally I think I fell asleep.. and when my mother woke me.. my hair was matted across my face.. and sleep long removed and laying on the furs next to me.. I pulled the fur around me.. it was not really as soft as the one in Tasco's wagon.. but it did its job.. Mother and I talked for a little bit before she headed off. Her and Nono were going to collect herbs for something their were making.. I fell back on the furs and pulled it over my head and tried to get a few more moments of sleep..

But at least I know he is alive and well by the looks of the slave that left his wagon..

The Ubars Herd

of verr

This gave me a purpose, maybe Ayg had seen the confusion and hurt in my eyes when I tried so hard to hide it.. Tasco had just vanished.. I had not seen him for many hands now.. So tending to his verr gave me something to keep my mind busy when not working with my clan.

25 verr now were 30.. 5 babies born withins days of each other.. 5 new names I had to chose.. there were 3 boys and 2 girls.. I would watch then and see what they acted like before I would name them.. but collars were placed around their tiny necks.. with a small patch of pink or blue ribbon sew on..

I did like the goats.. then again I did like any animal.. Sometimes I would take a bone over and leave it for Runt.. I would still take stew my mother would make.. after my brothers would devour most of it there was always some left for Noni..

Some times mother would go sit with Noni and they would talk into the wee hours.. Once in a while I went.. but there was never any sign of Tasco there. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I am cursed in some way.. doomed to a life alone.. no babies.. no mate.. no joy other than the daily ones that popped up.. Thirsty would find his way to my wagon once in a while.. He had decided in all of his 4 summers that he would be my hunter.. I had to chuckled after he left.. So. I attrached the young ones and the old ones.. just not the one I want.. I was getting use to him not being around now.. My life took on the same pattern it had before I met him.. Clan work in the early morning hours.. then the verr in the afternoons.. and then a ride to the herds at night to sit and watch.. By the time I would arrive back at my wagons, it seemed just a few slaves and the OR were awake.. I don't think I have spoken to a soul since the last meeting with the Obar..

Hallie and her host of admirers helped me separate the male goats from the female ones.. we build a little pen and put the mommas and babies in there and the males were in a separate one.. I tried to tell Ayg it might be too late.. but he does not seem to care for verr very much.. I think in a few more hands we will have more babies.. I can not wait.


All in all I miss Tasco.. I miss his smile. his sense of humor.. I guess in time that will ease some.. I hope he is alright.. I hope he knows that I really do care..

And a small part of me hopes he misses me..

Life Goes On

I took charge of Ayg's verr as he had asked of me.. It was actually fun to think I owned such a large herd.. each different somewhat like the tribe.. maybe they are their own tribe...

My mother and Noni had become fast friends.. they would both sit and talk during the night... I would visit once in a while.. we took stew and cookies my mother made during the day.. I am glad my mother has a friend.. its good for her and me..

Most of the orphans have found homes.. Thirsty's parents took a brother and sister.. as he was so proud to tell me. he had a new brudder and sither.. I loved that little warrior... I hope to have a few like him one of these days.. but at least he was not alone..

My elders had settled into to their routine again.. It was good to see them happy and secure once more.. I spent some time with the elder leatherworkers.. talking and chatting.. and learned new things from them..

I had not seen Tasco for quite sometime. I suspose he is avoiding me once again.. We never made any promises.. and I know he still is in love with someone.. I am fine.. really I am.. I learned the hard way with Ayg that I should never place my heart above myself and so I tucked it neatly away before it gets hurt again.. My life goes on as does everyone elses.. Its just a part of life.. and I have come to accept the fact that I do not attract many.. I am not sure exactly why, but I am ok with it.. besides.. I am a butterfly.. free to float from here to there without having to ask permission..

Well its time to head to the clan fires and begin my day.. I have many things to get done.. and now that my arm is better and my hands did not curl up with scars.. I can work once again..