Random thoughts and emotions

There is something odd about the first fires.. something that draws one towards them yet.. warns not to get burnt.. Maybe I am just to naive.. or young or have been sheltered.. but being here on my own is no comfort.. I am use to having my parents there for a sounding board.. my brothers there to stop anyone from getting to close.. Now.. with the Ubar as my guardian. I really feel just a little alone.. Its hard to break into the circle that has been so well established..without trying to hard.. and making a complete and utter fool of yourself.

I have managed to do so on a few occasions.. and I realize the mistakes I have made.. perhaps I am to willing to speak my mind.. Which is not alway a bad thing. unless of course you say something stupid.. or do something that just causes some to chuckle and point..

I know I am young... with little experience beyong my own fathers fires.. but I am strong.. in my loyalty.. in my beliefs.. in what I would like in my future.. And I will make it to the 1st Fires..

But I have to wonder why I want to be a part of it ... there really is no status being part of the 1st Fires.. I am just as much a tuchuk in the outer wagons.. just a much a woman.. there is no stamp placed on my body saying.. Approved!.. It is more an honor than a need or want.. It brings my family honor.. it brings the tribe honor.. and I get a better view of the fires.. from my wagon.. :grins:

Task's

She had much work to do.. and started on it.. after she finished th dress.. As she laid the dress out before her.. she smiled.. While Cana did not want anything fancy... with 4 boys.. she could use an extra hand.. so tucked inside the inside seam.. Yamka created a pocket.. and placed some of her mothers honeycandies.. inside.. The dress was made the same.. a singe piece of hide that Cana had given her.. it was a beautiful color.. almost a rusty color.. she had rubbed oils into the hide to make it soft as skin... along the one and only seam.. she placed a small row of fringes.. it would hard for anyone to tell where the ties were.. as it looked seamless now... She hoped Cana would like the dress.. as much as she enjoyed making it..

She would tackle the saddles first.. first she looked to see what needed patching.. and would find hide swatches to match.. and then with nimble fingers.. she would attached that swatches.. her stitches were so tiny that it piece seemed to melt into the saddle.. She would do this to each one of the saddles.. then would spend time rubbing them soft.. with a oily cloth. so they almost looked like new again..

The bridles. they were a little harder.. as she sat with them in her hand.. the leather had been so worn.. it was very thin and ready to split.. so instead of trying to mend it.. she would find a few piece of thin hide.. and curl it around the splits.. and then sew it tightly flat against the leather strap.. on both sides.. keeping the appearance of the strap.. she would do this to each she could.. and then once again take care and cleaned each .. with a cloth.. making sure that the mending blended in with the orgianal piece of leather.

Taking a tea break.. she would sit and watch the elders create new pieces.. with awe.. soon perhaps she would be able to create such wonderus leather pieces.. Her mother had sent honey cookies.. to the clan fires.. and her father would stop and share them with his only daughter.. In his eyes she could see that something had changed him.. it was a good change.. She asked him about this warrior Brayce..and he grew quiet.. He is not for you.. stay away from him.. he comes and goes like the wind.. and is has not shown his loyalty to the tribe.. I will send one of you brothers to watch over your wagon by night... His large paw like hand reached out and captured her hair: So much like your mother yet so different.. I know you feel that what you want in a warrior does not matter... and there is no choice.. but there is my daughter.. you just have to find the right way to approach it.. Her father watched her: You do not want this warrior do you? :she nearly spit out her cookie: Skies No Father.. no he was to fast and forward.. no.. I do no care for him.. I will keep my distance from him as much as possible..

Well I have one more task father and then I will come visit you and mother. And so off she went to mend the clan tarp... Climbing up she found the ripe.. and with a bone needle and some heavy thread.. she took her time and carefully fitted it together.. She definitely had this thing about making things look in one piece and not fixed.. She made her way to the ground. and found a place around the clan fires to wait for Noya to check her work.

Love Warriors and Slaves

I found my way to the main fires early this morning.. It was pretty quiet, just Fonce and the woman Silken.. Now I probably should have gone the other direction but I didn't. I like people and I like company..

We talked of a few things.. and then there I went and opened my mouth and before I knew it words flew out like a caged herlit.. I probably sounded like a dimwitted twittle doodle.. but what do I know.. except this.

When I mate it will be to a man that is tribe.. that cares for me.. I don't care if he loves me or not for in the long scheme of things love really does not mean much.. I will mate so that I can bring new warriors to the tribe.. I will mate because its expected of me.. Love is something that could come later or never.. but in my mind its only part of the plan.. Oh sure I am like all other young women.. I want to be woo'd and wanted.. but I also know my place and whats expected.. Our life if a harsh life.. one day here another gone.. I have seen the looks on faces of women that have loved and lost that love to raids.. wars and what ever else comes our way.. The crushed look. the dead eyes... and the hearts broken.. And then I see my parents.. their love is strong and has lasted many summers... That is what I want.. what my desires are.. but we can not ever be sure that it will happen.. Perhaps its just once in a lifetime it happens.. And maybe only to certain few.. I don't know really.. but one day I may find out..

I told Fonce my father had stopped using his whip and he asked if I was disappointed.. What a silly question.. I did not enjoy or savor those whippings... Yes my father loves me. I know he has an odd way of showing it.. but my brothers were whipped as well growing up.. it was my fathers punishment. it might not be for all.. maybe others do it differently.. maybe some children are not punished at all... and we can see what happens to them.. Rogues... slaves.. no. I would rather have been whipped and learned my lessons.. than to have been coddled and been ungrateful for what my family is.. I missed my friend.. the girl that is now a slave.. but she really no longer exists..

Mother and I talked about it once.. I could not for the life of me figured out why this girl did what she did... Mother explained that some women are just slaves waiting to be discovered.. My friend was spoiled.. and was never taught by her parents what was right and wrong behavior... My mother whispered.. that this woman ..her mother.. wore a collar under her clothes.. she said it was done sometimes.. Well that confused me to pieces.. but I just nodded: She tugged on my braid.. and looked at me.. her eyes mirrored mine.. as I looked more like my mother than father... Yamka.. you will find a mate.. have his sons... and be a good mate.. and if he has slaves..and if he is a true gorean man.. You will be his prize.. That is my wish for you my daughter.. to find a warrior such as your father..

So I sat there by the wagon.. and closed my eyes.. and pretened such a man exisited.. I could see him in my mind.. Well not him.. but something well made up.. I hope he does exisit.. somewhere amongst the tribe.. I would do everything for him.. cook and make sure his wagon was always clean.. have sons. and maybe daughters.. Be at his side.. be his friend and lover.. one of these days.. maybe..

The Rescue

It seemed like I had been there for days.. but really it was just until the sun went down.. my leggs were numb by now.. I was singing off key about the plains.. when I heard the sound of thundering hoofs... I started to yollar.. just so no one rode over me.. it was getting dark... When I heard one of my brothers hollar back: I found her!.. I found her!

So I had been missed and it brought a smile to my face.. I heard the thud of the ground as Ord.. jumped off his beast and ran towards me.. He stood for a moment: How in the skies did you manage to do this Yammikins? Well that threw me back for a moment.. as I looked up at him: Do you think we could talk about how after you get me from under this large now smelling dead beast?

Sam and Raven headed over.. and so did Jess and Kalen along with Ord they all tried to pull me from under the dead beast... finally another brother showed up and suggested that they tie the dead beast up and pull him off with the other beast.. Well finally.. as it was pulled off me.. I let out a peep of a scream.. my legs were now throbbing.. As Sam gingerly knelt down and placed his hands along the curve of each leg.. his large hands were feeling for breaks.. but luckily I did not have any. mostly just squished.. and I am sure they would bruise.. but at least I was free..

Now Sam picked me up and placed me over his beast.. and we all rode back to my fathers wagon.. Seems.. he had missed me from the clan fires.. and sent my brothers out to find me.

Someone must had spoken to my father.. because He did not seem quite as angry at me as he normally did.. Or maybe it was because I had been doing things right lately.. Anyway.. I could see tears in his eyes when my brother Sam handed me down to my fathers arms... I winced only because I thought I was going to be punished.. but my father kissed my cheek and hugged me.. telling me he had gotten worried when I had not shown up at the clan fires.. My mother came out of the wagon and made a big fuss... And then had Sam take me back to the 1st fires... and my wagon there.. With some of her stew and bread..

Death of an Old Friend

I had taken a early morning ride.. It cleared my mind and soul.. as the wind danced against my back and caught my braid.. It was also good for my partner.. Samson had been my beast since I was 10 summers.. after Ord had outgrown him.. He was not a large beast.. but he had a large heart.. Always gentle with me.. but he seemed to be slowing down now.. He had gone through 7 boys until he was given to me. I am not sure exactly how old he is.. but I am sure he is tired.. His large paws maul the ground as we moved quietly against the soft plains grass... but I sense something is just not right... his movements seem choppy.. and he started to slow down until without a notice he reared up, throwing me off his back.. I tried to scramble away as I looked up and he rolled over right onto me... Knocking the breath right out of me.. I could not panic.. as I quietly pleaded with him to get up.. Even with my strong hands.. I could not budge him.. and my leg was starting to go numb.. We were to far from the OR for me to scream.. to far from the wagons for anyone to even notice.. What was I gonna do... tears crested at the corners of my eyes... truly I was scared..my Samson was dead... and I was stuck underneath him..

I would have to wait this out.. until someone rode along and found us.. there was no moving the dead beast off me... and my legs were pinned underneath his hind end.