Random thoughts and emotions

There is something odd about the first fires.. something that draws one towards them yet.. warns not to get burnt.. Maybe I am just to naive.. or young or have been sheltered.. but being here on my own is no comfort.. I am use to having my parents there for a sounding board.. my brothers there to stop anyone from getting to close.. Now.. with the Ubar as my guardian. I really feel just a little alone.. Its hard to break into the circle that has been so well established..without trying to hard.. and making a complete and utter fool of yourself.

I have managed to do so on a few occasions.. and I realize the mistakes I have made.. perhaps I am to willing to speak my mind.. Which is not alway a bad thing. unless of course you say something stupid.. or do something that just causes some to chuckle and point..

I know I am young... with little experience beyong my own fathers fires.. but I am strong.. in my loyalty.. in my beliefs.. in what I would like in my future.. And I will make it to the 1st Fires..

But I have to wonder why I want to be a part of it ... there really is no status being part of the 1st Fires.. I am just as much a tuchuk in the outer wagons.. just a much a woman.. there is no stamp placed on my body saying.. Approved!.. It is more an honor than a need or want.. It brings my family honor.. it brings the tribe honor.. and I get a better view of the fires.. from my wagon.. :grins: