Love Warriors and Slaves

I found my way to the main fires early this morning.. It was pretty quiet, just Fonce and the woman Silken.. Now I probably should have gone the other direction but I didn't. I like people and I like company..

We talked of a few things.. and then there I went and opened my mouth and before I knew it words flew out like a caged herlit.. I probably sounded like a dimwitted twittle doodle.. but what do I know.. except this.

When I mate it will be to a man that is tribe.. that cares for me.. I don't care if he loves me or not for in the long scheme of things love really does not mean much.. I will mate so that I can bring new warriors to the tribe.. I will mate because its expected of me.. Love is something that could come later or never.. but in my mind its only part of the plan.. Oh sure I am like all other young women.. I want to be woo'd and wanted.. but I also know my place and whats expected.. Our life if a harsh life.. one day here another gone.. I have seen the looks on faces of women that have loved and lost that love to raids.. wars and what ever else comes our way.. The crushed look. the dead eyes... and the hearts broken.. And then I see my parents.. their love is strong and has lasted many summers... That is what I want.. what my desires are.. but we can not ever be sure that it will happen.. Perhaps its just once in a lifetime it happens.. And maybe only to certain few.. I don't know really.. but one day I may find out..

I told Fonce my father had stopped using his whip and he asked if I was disappointed.. What a silly question.. I did not enjoy or savor those whippings... Yes my father loves me. I know he has an odd way of showing it.. but my brothers were whipped as well growing up.. it was my fathers punishment. it might not be for all.. maybe others do it differently.. maybe some children are not punished at all... and we can see what happens to them.. Rogues... slaves.. no. I would rather have been whipped and learned my lessons.. than to have been coddled and been ungrateful for what my family is.. I missed my friend.. the girl that is now a slave.. but she really no longer exists..

Mother and I talked about it once.. I could not for the life of me figured out why this girl did what she did... Mother explained that some women are just slaves waiting to be discovered.. My friend was spoiled.. and was never taught by her parents what was right and wrong behavior... My mother whispered.. that this woman ..her mother.. wore a collar under her clothes.. she said it was done sometimes.. Well that confused me to pieces.. but I just nodded: She tugged on my braid.. and looked at me.. her eyes mirrored mine.. as I looked more like my mother than father... Yamka.. you will find a mate.. have his sons... and be a good mate.. and if he has slaves..and if he is a true gorean man.. You will be his prize.. That is my wish for you my daughter.. to find a warrior such as your father..

So I sat there by the wagon.. and closed my eyes.. and pretened such a man exisited.. I could see him in my mind.. Well not him.. but something well made up.. I hope he does exisit.. somewhere amongst the tribe.. I would do everything for him.. cook and make sure his wagon was always clean.. have sons. and maybe daughters.. Be at his side.. be his friend and lover.. one of these days.. maybe..