Weary

I am tired.. really tired.. This is the first time I have actually taken the reins of a wagon.. Normally I rode with my mother or one of my brothers.. but now I am semi on my own.. And I am tired.. My arms ache, my back aches.. my mind is so full of questions that will go unanswered for their will never be asked.. so my head hurts.

So far I have not lost any of the elderly.. but we have lost to very good men.. neither I really knew but knew of.. Tarra's mate and Seve's father.. There are never words you can say that can make them feel better.. no amount of hugs can take away the hurt and lonliness.. and certainly saying I understand is a lie unless you have walked in their boots. I can not even pretend to understand death.. I know its a part of life.. usually the end of it.. but it does happen to all of us..

It was a hard day for me yesterday.. I don't think anyone noticed.. I struggled to understand things... I laughed when they laughed.. but there is so much confusion within myself.. that I left feeling very lost. My parents love and protection have not given me a real aspect of how fast life moves.. How aware you have to be of everything and everyone... The interactions between people is daunting.. and then there are the warriors.. No longer protected by my seven brothers.. out there in the open.. I feel that bubble growing bigger and bigger.. So tonight I will not venture to the fires.. tonight I will lay on my furs.. and look at the skies from the back of my wagon.. I will think of what lies ahead of us.. not just the journey but everything else.. I pulled out part of Tarra's task and worked the tiny beading as I prepared for sleep..

Its funny how you hear things.. and it changes your entire perspective on how to proceed on something.. Yes I am learning so much from the First Fires.. I am learning all is not how it appears.. I am learning how friends are and who you need to keep close to you.. Not that I have any foes.. but something was said.. it was hurtful but I will never say anything to anyone about it.. I was not meant to hear it I know that.. but it has changed alot in how I think and feel.. It will affect everything I say and more than that.. it will affect how I act... it is time to grow up a little more.. get a thicker skin as they say.. and to never never let my feelings be known again.. I have dishonored my father and brothers once again.. but this time.. I told my father what happened...and he understood.. There were no harsh words no whippings.. a kiss from him to my forehead.. as he whispered my daughter is learning the hard way our life.. Just watch your actions and your words.. it will be alright.

Wise words and ones I will cling to..

Slaves and Men

I don'tknow much about the things that go on between a man and his slave.. I really have no need to know.. Now that I don't care, but right now I have no need.. I have watched that new slave of Cana's warrior.. he seems to be hmm well he seems really interested in this city woman he captured... She does not seem that bright to me really.. but it could have been the weight of all those robes and veils.. cause a brain malfunction probably.. She hides under wagons.. Maybe thats how they are taught.. I am not sure.. Mother taught me that no matter what happened in our life that we must always show pride in being a tuchuk.. not that I would be stupid enough to get in the position she got herself into.. then again.. maybe she wanted to be captured.. I mean after all our warriors are the best in the entire world.

Anyway.. Seems when that slave is around its all he sees... he even gave her his dinner after Cana got it for him.. I don't know what the girl had not eaten.. I mean all the other slaves know where the pots are.. they are not hard to miss.. Large blacck ones.. steam coming from the lids... makes sense to me that anyone with half a brain could find them.. yet this girl does not seem to know to connect the concept of pots of stew with food... Then again, maybe she is not as dumb as she looks.. she got him to give her his stew.. his attentions... If I were Cana I would have hit him with a pot along side the head.. now that would draw his attentions back to where they belonged.. but Cana is probably the most geniune kind.. loving woman I have ever met besides my own Mother... she has class.. and she does not say anything.. but if you look into her eyes you can see that there is hurt there..

I have observed Fonce and Asria also.. I think they would make a very nice twosome.. He needs someone to love him.. You can see that there is hurt there on both sides.. she misses her heart and his has been broken.. What better way to fix it then to combine two hearts and make them one.. Its my opinion.. but that is up to the two of them to find that path.. As for my heart. well its on hold.. now sure for how long.. but there is much more to life right now that worrying about love.. or mating. or everything that goes with that..

I have much work to do.. I started Tarra's project.. it was such an honor for her to ask me.. and its coming along fine.. I also have cut the hides for the bench covers.. and started the little pair of boots for the boy.

Quite Time

No one mentioned it.. but I had seen the pryre.. I had seen Seve..standing there alone... My heart went out to her.. I can not imagine losing one of my parents.. Yet she has lost both now... I knew her father had not been well.. but I did not realise he was so close to death.. What could I do to ease her burden a little..

I spoke to my mother.. she and father knew the father.. Mother said the young woman was welcome at their fires anytime.. and my father said he would make sure someone would watch over her wagons.. but who was gonna watch over her? That was my question.. she would now become a ward of the Ubar.. While I have parents.. I am also under the guidance of the Ubar until I make the 1st Fires.. My father reluctently gave up that right when he sent me there.. but they are still my parents and still alive..

Well really my mother said the only thing you can do Yamka is be her friend.. listen to her if she wants to talk and comfort her tears when they start to flow.. I felt a deep sadness inside my heart as I listened.. My only friend had become a slave.. but I would be a friend to Seve.. and if she needed me I would listen to her...

Mother handed me a pot of stew and and bread to take to the young womans wagon.. I had much to do.. so I would head off that way and drop it off for her.. and then get to work..

Another Night

What had I accomplished today... A warrior had left a message saying he had a tarp in need of repair.. So after I had some milk and blackwine. I headed to find his wagons.. I was able to fix was needed to be repaired.. then head to the woman that I spoke to yesterday.. Her tarp was in really bad shape.. it took me most the morning to finish.. Her young son wished to help.. I did not mind.. and gave him something to day with a piece of leather.. while I worked.. She thanked me and said she really had nothing to trade.. My wiley little mind got to working.. and I said you can repay me by accepting my gift of boots for your young son.. I don't think she realized exactly what had just happened as she shook her head.. Oh yes that will work... I chuckled and headed to the clan fires.. to see what else needed to be done.. I did stop to see if that silly old bosk as still there.. and he was.. skies he is big.. I just kinda watched him for a few moments.. before heading into the clans fires.. There were some reins that needed repair and so I helped the others work on what needed to be done before we broke camp.. There was still a light rain coming down.. and it felt good..on my face.

I wonder if Cana tried out that new skirt.. I hope it works.. I figure with the legs enclosed. it would also reduce the amount of chafing on the thighs.. Anything to make our life easier.. even if it is a little thing.. If she likes them I might make a pair for myself..

I had not seen Ayg for a while now.. I assume he is out with his men scouting ahead again.. or maybe that pretty stone he has captured his attention and he has been lost in its beauty.. :chuckles: I do not have time to worry about it really.. so much to do.. keep busy.. keep my mind off what my heart has been talking about.. Always a good thing to keep the mind over the matter at hand..

When did I start to think this way?

How Will I know Him

I said and pondered my life a moment... between working on the project for Tarra.. I had time to dwell.. and soon my thoughts swirled right up into a place that I had forgotten exsisted.. a tiny place in my mind where I can dream and hope...

How will I know him?
I will know him by his being
By his aura
Though he maybe just a flash a glimpse..
My eye will know him

I will I know him?
Even if he comes in the night
In the darkness
His scent will sing to me

Even if his sound should be just a whisper..
my ear will know him.

I will know him
Even if we
but just brush past each others paths
His touch will call to me
He is here!

How will he know me?

If he is ready

He will know me....

I smiled and began to work again on the task at hand... Perhaps I was wise not to tell the warrior how I felt... perhaps I should just let him find me..

So Here is the day

I got up feeling still not so good.. my stomach felt like a hundred butterflies had landed and made camp.. if thats possible.. but I got up anway.. washed my face and hands.. and walked the row of wagons to check on my elderly.. I guess I can call them mine now.. since they seem to think I belong to them.. I found the oddest thing on the step of my wagon one morning... it was an empty pot.. just sitting there.. I know it was not mine.. so I left it there incase its owner came looking for it..

But today... the elderly had gathered near the big black bosk to watch and make comments.. One old warrior said.. it was a sign.. that we need to stay here for now where the grass and water were plentiful.. A woman said.. pfft! its a stubborn bosk like you were.. and just wants some attention.. there were other things said but I was trying not to chuckle.. as I moved them back to the wagons.. Some one pinched my bottom again... I am not sure which one since they were all smiling like they had done it.. this was a game they liked to play.. another one asked if I was gonna dance with them tonight.. umm no. I can not dance.. no I can not sing.. those talents were given to someone much more worthy.. I grinned... cause I was not gonna dance or sing even if I could have... These men were old.. who knows what could make their hearts give out.. I was not gonna be responsible for that nope no way..

A young woman stopped me.. and asked if I could look at her tarp later.. it was riping at the seam.. I said of course... She told me their wagon was painted red and had purple flowers..... I kinda cringed at those combinations.. but said I would get to her.. I also noticed her young boys boots were very worn out.. and seemed a bit to small for him... I would measure his foot and make sure he had new boots when we got to the southern camp... I got her name and such... A very nice woman.. she hurried off towards her wagon.. and I headed the other way..

Glancing skywards.. I could see some grey mixed in the blue.. I bet its gonna rain.. I better get that womans tarp fixed. before that happens... I counted off things I had to take care of.. and what I could not I would let the clan know some people needed help.. I mean I can not do it all by myself.. but I would certainly try..

I was getting the ugg feeling again.. and turned tail and headed for my own wagon.. and my little bucket.. maybe later I would get some tea.. maybe with some mint to sooth my upset..

Common Sense and Lack of It

It was nice to see everyone near the fires last night.. Seems the warrior of Cana has found a woman and brought her back to the wagons... I don't think she realized that she was really not a guest.. I mean come on what woman in their right mind would come to a tuchuk or any plains came.. and think they were going to leave? Common sense... lack of it..

I asked Tarra if she would like to share me with what she wanted made... and quietly we spoke.. of what it was.. she handed me a piece of paper.. I placed it in my vest.. and I would begin working on it at night when we were stopped.. We are stopped right now.. not sure for how long.. Seems there is a large black bosk standing in the path of the wagons.. Perhaps he is warning us not to go further. or maybe he is just a old stubborn bosk not ready to move out of the way.. Regardless he is there and we are stopped.. for now..

Some of us were sporting our new ribbons. It was nice to see the colors.. And the chit chat was interesting.. You can see so much if you sit back and listen and watch.. and that was really an eye opener.. Mezzo gave Ayg a pretty stone.. he seemed quite taken with it.. Who would have thought a rock would capture someones attention.. another eye opener...

I really did not stay long at the fires.. I had a pit in the bottom of my stomach.. I wish I had not eaten all that stew cause now it was stirring along with my feelings.. and its not a pleasant combination.. So I headed to my wagons.. Eliza was camping out with some of the elderly.. so maybe I could get a good nights sleep... if that was possible..

Tonight I had common sense.. I kept my thoughts to myself..and saved looking like a fool.. Time... I have pleanty of time to see what transpires.. You can for force the future or whats gonna happen.. you just can't.. Not that I have given up.. I just thinks its better to wait and see which way the wind is blowing...

Maybe I better keep a little bucket by my furs.. just incase the stew decides to come back and visit..

The Vulo In me!

Well I know I said I would tell Ayg.. but I don't think I have the courage to do it.. what if he laughs.. or worse yets grunts... I am in a mist of feelings.. I might say it wrong.. skies.. maybe its best I just focus on what I need to do.. not what I want.. yes.. thats it..

Mybe he will notice the yellow braid... or maybe he won't.. Well.. I have so much to do.. I have 10 bench covers to make.. that new skirt I am working on.. and Tarra has something she wants me to make..

Well I like the braid.. and the ribbons anyway...

Bubbles and More Bubbles

It was my turn in the tubs.. and after the day I had I was ready for it.. The water was nice and hot.. and there were bubbles galore.. I quickly stripped off everything.. and slowly sunk into that warm, delicious bath.. I could feel my muscles screaming and then sighing... Never had felt anything so good.. I had time to think about so many things.. Yes I like him... no I was not gonna chase after him.. I had to many things to do.. Make the 1st fires... I had work to to.. so much .. but I can look at him.. admire him.. I can learn everything I can about him... like the way he likes his blackwine.. he does not eat sweets.. things like that...

hmm I like this bath... I don't think I have ever stayed this long in hot water.. at least by my own chosing... There is a young girl here to help me.. she actually washed my hair.. with some lightly scented soap. its not to flowerly. but has a very gentle woodsy scent... I let her brush it out til its almost dry.. and also place some scented oil.. just a little on the brush...

While I had soaked.. she had gone to the wagon where the ribbons were.. and found several shades of yellow ribbons.. and once she was done brushing my hair she braided it.. halfway down.. she wrapped the colored ribbons around the hair... and tucked the ends.. I knew it must have looked pretty... cause she oooo'd and awe'd ..

I never cared about my looks that much.. As long as I am clean I am happy... but I do feel pretty with being all clean... and my hair... and clean clothes... warm boots.. I am good to go.. Maybe I will see Tarra tonight.. and see if what she needs maybe I can start each night while we are stopped...

The only damper to the entire bath was that some women felt left out... I know it was no one intentions to do that.. but when we were all talking about it.. they were not at the fires... Cana would never leave anyone out.. I felt pretty bad about their reactions.. I got the impression they really did not care for prospects.. their loss actually.. I think we are very nice young women.. :shrugs:

Oh Doh!

It started out as a pretty nice afternoon.. We had stopped to fill the barrels with water.. and some were gathered at the little stream on the trail.. There was Cana.. Tarra.. a new prospect to the 1st fires..Seve and Fonce.. Ayg.. showed up.. It was a pretty nice and I was finally getting feeling back in my backside..

The smells of the roasting tarsk.. filled the air and made its way to the stream.. seems we were all kinda hungry so we drifted up the path towards the wagons..and the food of course.. I had gone ahead and got some platters for the warriors ready.. One for Fonce and one for Ayg..

The conversation was calm at first.. and then it started.. it was like a dream gone crazy.. I think Fonce started instigated it.. but I am not sure.. hmm no maybe it started when I did not get food right away.. You see my mother and I always waited til my father and brothers had eaten before we would eat.. it was just a tradition.. I don't remember how we got around to talking about Eliza.. but somehow it was first I liked women.. then I was being the warrior.. It was during this time.. my mouth opened up and said no I liked him ... but I don't think e heard it.. thankfully.. the more I explained the more it got confusing.. and in my frustration tears started to form.. Well thats when Fonce thought he heard someone calling his name... and
took off like a sleen after a vulo.. I got so upset I stood and called Ayg a Bosk..
He stood up and walked to me.. putting one arm around my waist.. he leaned and kissed my forehead.. and said he would stop teasing... Well.. I thought I was gonna melt right there on the stop.. but I was able to manage not to..

I do like him.. but I will never say those words again... not unless he asks me... I am not gonna chase him.. I am not gonna be like that.. There was so much more said.. but right now.. I can not remember it.. but I will never forget that kiss..

Overwhelmed

After I got Eliza bedded back down. I went and sat on the step of my wagon.. It really was not my wagon.. Cana had loaned it to me while I tried to make my way to the 1st circle.. but for now it was mine... I felt a rush of thoughts and it just seemed to overwhelm my simple mind.. As I glanced over the other wagons.. I took assesment of what I was and what I held dear to me.. And something deep inside screamed out and covered every part of my being.. Who are you Yamka?

I had no answers to give.. somewhere in trying to find my place I lost myself.. Now how did that happen... Here I was almost 20 summers.. and what had I accomplished? Now very damn much in my minds eye.. Shadowed by my family, my brothers.. kept behind for what purpose.. What were my parents thinking? Were they afraid I would run fast like the wind and their last child would leave the nest?

Now what is it that I want... what purpose do I serve? All questions I have been asking myself the last few hands.. And I am no longer sure.. I thought I knew.. I thought I had it all figured out.. but I was wrong.. How odd to feel like you are in a large bubble.. and you can not get out and no one can get in.. and you scream but no one can hear you.. Yes a bubble of sorts.. Oh sure its not a real bubble.. but one that grows around you when you start to feel out of step..

Ok ok now stop... think. what are you good at? Leatherworking.. now did you now make Cana a dress she adored? Did the warrior not approved of your leathers and boots for his son? I smack myself on the head.. what is your main malfuntion? Stop questioning your worth.. Its like Cana and Tarra said everyone is part of a chain.. your are just one of thousands of links.. but without you the chain would be broken..

Am I talking to myself? .. Skies I just answered myself.

I stand up on my wagon step and hollar to the skies.. I AM YAMKA!.. Tuchuk! . Catch me if you can!

Whew!

I searched under every wagon I could find.. I asked people if they have seen the old woman.. One warrior grunted and pointed back towards the end of the wagons.. I thanked him.. and ran off towards the end of the line.. I hope I find that old woman before we have to move again..

Well low and behold.. there she was.. dancing no less with some other old woman. including Magda.. and the old warrior was there as were a few others.. I wonder what I had walked in on.. when they looked at me as I stood there breathing hard.. my hands on my hips.. I bet I looked a sight.. but at least I had found her.. So now I know what the elderly do when we are not watching.. They are having fun.. Magda called me over.. with the crook of her bent finger.. Come and join Us Yamikins.. I rubbed my temples.. as she spoke my name.. she had been around my family way to much.. I headed over.. One of the older warriors eyed me up and down.. Can you dance young woman?.. Can I dance? .. well no not really.. my mind does but it never quite makes it to my feet.. well then can you sing? I shook my head.. only if you wish the bosk to stampede... The old warriors eyes shone.. and his scars krinkled as he smiled.. Well thats ok. you stand there and clap out the beat.. and we will do the rest.. Well at least I can keep a beat.. I do know how to clap.. and maybe sing a little bit.. Their fires were warm. and I do not mean heat wise.. but friendly.. welcoming... it was good to see them all happy and smiling.. The elder singers.. were singing of the move.. and the bosk.. the stars.. the old warriors were telling tales of their adventures.. if you looked listned with your heart and not your ears.. you could close your eyes and live the adventure with him... They would tell of raids. and wars... Some spoke of captured mates..and slaves.. When I think about it.. I have had a very dull life so far.. nothing like these tribe members.. Maybe when I am their age.. if I live that long.. I will be able to sit around a fire and tell tales also.. Magda drew me into her arms and hugged me.. some how she must have know what I was thinking.. then again I do not hide things so very well.. she whispered.. Your time has not yet come.. so live and have fun.. do not dwell on things you have no control over..

At this point one of the old warriors grabbed me and swung me around. I swear I could see the shadows from my nose ring dance golden shadows over the wagon tarp.. It was mezermizing.. yet calming.. I began to foget about my worries.. and just have some fun.. And I also most forgot about Elizie.. We would talk later.. She has to at least tell me where she is going...

When did I start to sound like my mother?

Now Where did She Go?

I was getting the wagon ready for the next leg of our journey.. once the water has been dispearsed when I noticed that the small lump under my furs was not moving.. I thought Elizze was sleeping.. but when I poked it nothing happened.. Oh skies I hope she has not died in my wagon.. I crawled in the back way and lifted the furs and found a lump of fur.. Why that sneaky old woman.. she has escaped my wagon.. I wonder where she got to.. I put everything I need to do to the side.. and head off down the line of wagons.. looking for the elder..

I better find her before we head out... or I will be left behind.. I am not leaving her here by herself..

Sometimes Ya gave ti say "Huh?"

The first night went without a hitch.. the old womans' voice was soft and sweet.. and she sang songs as we moved.. She kept time it seemed with the motion of the wheels.. It certainly made the boucing of the wagon easiler to handle..

My wagon seems to be fine.. everything was moving the way it should.. I had company of one of the neighbors young boys.. I think his mother called him boots.. she said that usually all she saw of him.. he was so fast.. and darted from place to place.. but he seems a quite child.. and no trouble at all..

Ya know when you have time on your hands.. your mind seems to wander of alot of what ifs.. Like what if my wagon wheel broke.. or like what if we were attacked.. or like what if that warrior.. the one that thought we were osts.. just rode on up to my wagon and started to talk to me... Yeah that is a really big what if.. I do find myself thinking alot about him.. Daydreams just daydreams... but they bring a smile to my wearly face... Fonce is very nice also.. but how can one judge on any one when you only see them once in a great while.. No time will bring my future to me when its ready.. and I am not gonna rush or press her.. Ya really do not want time not on your side.. And I think I have plenty of time.. So many things before I can even begin to think about a mate and children. Honestly I don't think my family expects me to find a mate... Something one of my brothers said once comes back to mind.. that he would be responsible to me my entire life.. Now.. either that means I will die young.. or I will never mate and he will be saddled with his little sister.. or.. maybe it has not been written in the stars.. speaking of stars.. I guess Fonce has not found my gift as of yet.. Its no big deal really.. He has so much going on now.. I am surprise he can find himself let alone some stars and butterflies..

Off we go

I am very excited about this move.. I love the southern camp.. of course I love the northern camp as well.. Perhaps this time I will be of the 1st fires.. That would make my parents so proud.. Well thats another avenue not going down right now..

It seems I have some young people riding with me.. and one elderly woman that I made comfortable in the back of my small wagon.. Her name is Eliza.. and she is quite old.. and just could not drive her own wagons this trip.. I worry about her. Her mind seems to be going.. But as long as she breaths she will make these trips.. even if I have to carry her myself. She told me she was of the clan of singers.. How interesting I thought.. I wonder if she would sing some old stories on the way.. I hope she can still carry a tune or its gonna be one long trip..

Anyway there are some new faces around the fires.. I hope to get to met them soon.. Most seem to be related to Fonce in some way shape or form.. I knew he had an old aunt.. but others I did not know about.. Well maybe I will get a chance to met them soon..

Sam checked my wheels and he said everything looked fine.. My water barrels are fills.. I have pleanty of dung.. and lots of dried meat and fruits.. we should be go to go on this trip.. This is the first time I am moving alone.. Normally I ride with my mother or one of my brothers.. But I am now going as Yamka.. prospect to the 1st fires.. Isn't that a hoot... I think I have grown alot since moving to the Ubars circle.. There are still so many things to learn but day by day with the help of Cana and Tarra.. I am growing more into myself.. Well we are just waiting now for the words to head out.. and then the journey begins..

Boots

I went to visit the young woman and her little girl.. She asked for some boots.. Once I got her measurements.. I went to work on the boots.. Just ones a little girl would love to wear.. durable yet pretty..

I went to delieve them.. but she was not at her wagon.. so I left them on the steps.. I have some chores to take care of.. I will check on her later and make sure they fit alright..

More Travels

I has very busy.. we had many elderly. more than I had imagined.. all had a story to tell.. Some knew my grandparents and some had funny stories to tell about both my parents.. It would seem my father had a habit if scaring people by hiding in places and then jumping at at them.. I can not imagine my strick father being a jokester.. but evidently he was.. My mother was very quiet it seems.. much like she is now..

One elderly woman capture my heart as they all do it seems.. When she told me how she had follwed her mate to a raid. without permission of course, and how she actually saved his life by bonking a turian on the head with a rock when he tried to attack her mate.. I was highly impressed.. She told me if he was gonna die it was not at the had of some backstabbing city dweller... who had no sense whatsoever..

She needed alot of work on her wagon.. her sons all had departed to the cities of dust.. along with her mate.. I wonder if maybe we should group all the elderly together in a little wagon community.. It would be easier to find them thats for sure.. As I listened to her.. I made note of what needed to be done...

I have grown to love these old people... I really have.. what a surprise this is to me..

Now about this old Warrior

I wound my way back to my mother and fathers fires.. just to sit a spell and talk.. see if they needed anything.. Madga was there are the fires.. she looked in much better health than the last time I saw her. Her cheeks were high and her eyes sparkled with much life.. I was telling my mother about the old warrior.. when Magda spoke up.. That is Ephraim.. his mate was Ezzie. she past last hand... I looked at her in surprise but then again not really.. He was crying on his step.. I said softly.. Magda just nodded.. They were never apart except when he went on raids and battles... He claimed her around the same time I was claimed.. Once he commanded a hundred men.. proud warrior... still is.. :she nodded: Yes but right now his heart is hurting.. I found his fires out and no food.. his wagon had not been cleaned.. but I took care of that... Magda smiled at me.. You are a good young woman Yamka.. your parents should be proud of you..

My mother said and listened. I could see her looking at me with a new light.. My baby has grown up it would seem.. and finally found out what it means to be a tuchuk.. whether of the 1st fires or the outerwagons.. We take of our own.. I am quite proud of her... We would not have you blessing our fires if not for her Magda..

Magda stood up.. I could hear a little groan.. I will go see the old warrior... and visit with him... I started to chuckle a little.. Be careful. he still has a spark left in that old body of his.. I left a slave or two with him.. and he pinched my butt when I left.. Madga looked at me and grinned.. I will take my stick!

I rested my head on my mother's shoulder for a moment.. Before I got up to leave.. I still have a few more wagons to check on... Before I find my furs..

Mother gave me some of her honeynut cookies to take with me.. as I kissed her cheek and gave her a hug.. If you need me for anything to get ready for the move.. just send one of my brothers for me.. I will come as fast as I can...

The Elderly Warrior

I made my way through the row of wagons.. when I came upon a old warrior.. he was just sitting on his step.. I could see tears flowing down his scarred cheeks.. and my heart broke... I stepped closer.. and asked very quietly: Old man are you alright. are you hurt?

His eyes were crystal blue.. and were red rimmed as he pointed across the field.. I could see a small billow of smoke.. and could hear the cries of a herlit as it swooped across the plains.. I looked back to him.. and he spoke..

My heart lies in the ash. my soul.. :his voice cracked slightly.. and then I knew. his mate.. she must have died recently.. so I went to his step and sat with him.. a hand placed on top of his... and I spoke with him.. trying to give him comfort.. as best I could...

He continued to speak.. She was my life for well over 40 summers.. we met as children in the outerwagons... Never had I ever wanted anyone else once my heart captured hers... She gave me 8 children.. 4 sons and 4 daughters.. and we have many grandchildren.. and now she is gone...

I drew all the inner knowledge I could find.. and spoke to him.. She is not gone old warrior.. but will always live in your heart and soul.. and your memories... her body maybe departed to the cities of dust.. but she will always live on as long as you never forget her.. you will see her in the stars.. and in your children and their children... you will hear her voice in your dreams...you will feel her touch when the breeze blows across the plains.. and she will wait for you in the cities of dust.. but it is not your time to go.. So you must be strong..

The old warrior smile.. the scars on his face crinkled with age.. as he looked at him.. You are right young woman.. you are right.... I wiped the tears from his face.. and smiled back to him... Now what can I do to help you get ready for the move... He said his tarp had a little tear and one of his reins was frayed.. Nodding my head and assured him we would fix those things for him... and as I looked around I could see his braizer was not lite.. and his cook fire had died... I bet he had not eaten since her death.. Where were his children I wondered..I called a slave over.. and had her run to the main fires and bring back some blackwine and some stew.. and a sack of dung for his fires.. .. I looked at him..: Old warrior you must take care of yourself.. It is time for you to live.. not dwell in death.. He stood.. he was a very tall man.. I could see his shoulders straighten up.. he has a nice smile... as he nodded: You are a breath of fresh air young woman.. and I will accept your help..

The slave came back with two other girls.. They got his cook fires going.. and one entered his wagon and began to straighten it up for him.. I could see him eyeing the young slave.. I guess somethings never die.. I got to working on his tarp.. and I would take his reins back to the clan fires to work on.. It was time to check on others.. so I patted his arm.. and gave him a warm smile.. I will be back later to make sure you have eaten. and bring back your reins..

The old warrior surprised me and gave me a big hug.. and he pinched my butt in the process... Well.. skies... he did have a little spark left in him.. so I left the girls there in his camp.. who knows... maybe one will stay on and help him in ways I could not...

My Fathers Words.

After I sat a while.. I knew it was time to get myself moving.. There were several elderly that needed their tarps mended.. and some just needed help in general.. and besides, I was not needed here..on this step that was not mine... So with a kick of my boots against the dust.. I headed down the wagon rows..

I heard the sounds of the yearkeepers and singers. saying another had come to find their place at the 1st fires..I thought a moment about lines... and then laughed as my brothers caught up with me.. and ruffled my hair.. tugged at my braid.. oh skies.. Sam was with them.. I could not look at him at first... and I guess Ord had said something to him.. yeah right men do not gossip... Sam, just grinned at me and turned around and wiggled his arse.. he puffed out his chest.. and looked at me with his dark eyes.. guess you will not be looking in the back of any wagons anytime soon now will ya sister dear.

They all got that look in their eyes... I knew that look and I started to walk faster.. but not fast enough as I heard one yell.. Catch the sister! and I was swooped up by Ord and tossed to Sam.. who in turn tossed me to Raven.. who then tossed me to Jerico who tossed me to Trav who then tossed me to Ryis who then tossed me to Mace... by this time I felt like a little rag doll. my braid was loose and my hair was plastered over my face.. My fists were balled up and I was ready to do battle... when my father and mother appeared... Well if that did not beat all.. My father crossed his arms and looked at my brothers.. Put your sister down... :which my brother did.. as I bounced off the ground: She is a woman now not some toy for her brothers to play with.. Treat her with respect.. as you would anyother woman of the camp.. My fathers stern gaze put each of my brothers in their place.. My father smiled to me.. and helped me up off the ground... Yamka.. I am proud of what you have been doing with the elderly.. :he looked at my brothers: You have surprised me.. but pleasantly.. :I looked at my brothers and grinned before looked back to my father.:I am honored father.. that I am able to be of some help to the tribe.. We will be moving soon.. and so many need their tarps fixed.. He pointed to each of my brothers and sent them to the elderly.. Get it done! :he said: My brothers scattered.. and I had to laugh for a moment.. My father took my arm and led me back to my wagon.. kissed my cheek and went back to where mother waited.. I watched him leave. his back was straight and he stood tall.. his hair graying a little.. when did my father start to grow old?

A Friend in Need

I visited quite a few of the elders.. making sure nothing was needed before the upcoming move.. I made a mental list of what things they did need.. and who to ask... when. I heard some women gossiping about Fonce.. he had been hurt almost died.. Well.. he was like my first friend here and I was gonna go check and make sure he was alright.. I went to my mothers wagon and lifted a pot of her good hot stew.. and a few loaves of her bread and headed to the wagons of Fonce..

I explained to Oren I was not a chain jumper.. but just a friend.. and if it was ok I would just sit on the step of his wagon. He might not know I am there.. but it would be a comfort to me also to know he is gonna be ok.. Its one of those times when I wished I was sexier.. older.. and wiser.. but I am not.. so I will sit on the step and just send my good thoughts for his quick recovery to his mind..

I had left the stew and bread with Oren for her family.. She seemed such a nice old women.. I liked her right away.. but I did not get in the way.. I am sure the women thought I was nuts. but what tuchuk can actually claim to be sane all the time..

So while I sat.. and watched the stars... I pulled out one of my carving knifes.. it was pretty sharp.. and on the step of his wagon I carved little stars and butterflies.. to protect him in my own way.. He will probably not notice them. as they are very tiny.. but I will know they are there watching over him..

The Talk

I took my time going back to the wagons.. I had so much spinning around in my mind that I could not contain it all in one spot.. it scattered and bounced off my brain.. Sex is a natural part of life.. but its never been really something I was very interested in.. Until now.. curious.. I wanted to know more.. it was certainly not taboo in our wagon.. not with 7 brothers.. my mother must have known quite abit about the subject. So I gathered questions I would ask my mother.. for I knew she would never steer me wrong..

On my way I past the wagons of Fonce's family.. I watched a moment. He is a curious warrior.. dark and forboding yet quite sexual. So now I actually watch him hold a woman. she must be part of his family.. Out of respect I do not say anything.. but quietly move past.. towards my mother and fathers wagon.. Ord must have gotten there before me.. cause there was my Mother sitting on the step waiting for me..

She motioned me to sit beside her on the step.. tugging on my braid she smiled at me.. So.. your brother tells me that its well past the time to speak to you about the intimacies of men and women.. I hold up my hand.. and shake my hand.. if its like what I saw.. you can keep it.. I am not gonna lie placid while some hunk of a warrior pounds me with no concern for me.. :my head shakes: That is not how its gonna be.. . My mother started to laugh.. what you saw was a man and a beast.. not a man and his women.. While some will tell you that there is a special bond between a man and his slave.. there is no comparison between a man and his chosen woman.. Take your father for example.. I think at this point I started to hum loudly.. MOTHER I do not want to hear about father and you in the furs.. give me strenght.. But my mother placed her hand over my mouth: You will listen to me.. its important.. Your father may rut with any slave of the camp.. And he has when I was carrying one of his babies... but it meant nothing to him. it was a relief of stress.. or tension... But when your father is with me... :she smiled to me: It is much much different.. he takes his time.. he makes sure that I am just as pleasured as he is... :Well I know at this point my cheeks were a brillant red.. who needs a fire when I am around.: Thankfully she did not go into details.. but I did get her drift.. So.. I asked...

and does he roll over and go fast to sleep?. My mother shook her head.. no we talk and cuddle... and fall asleep in each others arms... Ok that did not sound bad.. And does it hurt.. you know that first time... I mean well it sure looked like it hurt.. Once again my mother was truthful.. Yes it will hurt the first time.. but only for a few moments.. and if you are lucky.. He will make it as pleasant for you as possible.. if he is the right warrior.. :she lifted a brow a moment: Are you interested in any one warrior? :I chewed on my inside cheek a moment: Well.. yes and no.. but they are both way out of my reach.. and they both own slaves.. And one thinks we are all osts.. and the other.. well.. I am not sure really what he thinks.. but he was hurt once.. and I think it left a mark on his heart.. It will take a very special woman to erase that scar.. I think there is a line of those waiting to try... :I gave my mother a smile..: I do not get in lines..

Anyway.. I have more questions... When do you know its love Mother and not lust.... She just looked at me and smiled.. You will know Yams.. :I am thinking oh great.. I will know.. lovely: And what about slaves... Where do they fit into the sceme of things... I mean.. from what I have seen.. some warriors place them way up there... and do not let anyone else get very close.. .. My mother said something I will never forget.. A slave is nothing but a piece of property.. and some men value property as they most guarded treasures.. but if a man puts a slave before a Freewoman.. then he is not the warrior to mate.. Never let a man place you behind him.. always walk at his side.. Never let him dull your wits Never let him know he is always right even if he is.. I yawned and rubbed my eyes.. I think I will sleep in my old wagon tonight... I am much to tired to find my way back to the main fires... I kissed her goodnight. and found my way to my old blue wagon..

Spiderwebs

After that dream.. I am sure it was a dream.. I made it my mission to destroy every single spiderweb I could find.. I took a broom and started with my own wagon.. I cleaned it so much I think my wagon groaned.. I headed to each and every wagon around the 1st fires and with a determined lift of my chin, I made sure there was not one web whether it be a spider or cob was removed.. just in case it was not a dream...

Now it was time to see old Harold.. and have him read a liver or two and see just what is up with these dreams... I know I am not about to claimed.. heck I have not even been kissed yet.. well not that kind of kiss anyway.. you know the one where your left leg lifts a little bit.. and you get that chill that runs down your spine.. I head the slaves talking about it once.. I could not get close enough to hear everything but I did hear that.. I am waiting to see if that ever happens..

So anyway.. I am making my way to Harolds purple encased wagon when I hear a noise.. it almost sounds a woman crying.. and a bosk snorting... so I divert my path and head towards the noise.. I am getting closer and closer.. I wish I had a weapon.. oh wait I have my broom... until I get to this wagon.. Its kinda beat up looking.. but the noise is definately coming from there.. I sneak up around the back of the wagon.. crouching down to look underneath.. nope nothing there... but dang those noises are really loud now.. so I hoist myself up on the back hitch and look in.. SKIES! I think I am blind... well it was no bosk.. but it was a large naked warrior.. and a small skinny slave.. I think he was killing her by the sounds escaping from her lips.. So I did what every good natured woman would do.. I watched...I turned my head to the left and right.. wondering how in the world she could fold up like that.. and he was snorting... and that large white ass was just well... alll of a sudden he let out this loud groan.. I swear he had just died.. he fell on top of the poor slave.. and I fell off the hitch.. hitting my head on the ground... I quickly got to my feet... backing away from that wagon till I bumped into Harold... stuttering I said Tal and ran.. I ran as fast as I could... no idea where I was running to.. but I sure knew I was not gonna go looking for sounds again...

I think I am scared for life now.. I am sure of it.. I knew about the basics of mating.. you know... he does this you lay there.. groan a few times.. he gets off and goes to sleep.. At least that what my friends have told me.. that are mated... but.. What I want to know is how did she fold up like that.. All you could see here the balls of her feet attached to his shoulders.. I mean.. well.. nevermind...

I ran past the 1st fires.. past the outerwagons.. and ended up at the streams... I hope I never have to see that again...

So I get to the stream.. hoping a few moments alone.. when low and behold.. there is my brother Ord with a slave... need I say more... As I hollared his name.. he turned and grinned at me... Yamakins... he swatted the girl and told her to scoot.. I swear she gave me the most hated of looks... My brother could see I had just had the fright of my life.. so he came over and talked to me... I could barely tell him what I saw... when he broke out in a manical laugh.. good grief Yams.. was that like a really nasty looking wagon.. broken down? I nodded my head... Well I won't tell if you won't but that large white ass you saw was Sams.... I blinked and looked at him... my elder brother... ohhhhh.. I am gonna be ill... Now every time I see my brother am I gonna see him in a much different light... Ord.. pats my head.. and gives me a hug.. Its not that bad sister... its just a slave... Now a companion.. would be much different... I held up my hand at that point.. I do not want to know... I never want to know... I think if my face could have been more hot I would have fainted... Ord said it was time well past the time I spoke to Mother.. and he wa gonna make sure she spoke to me..

Deep in the recess of my soul lies the small butterfly of life
Slowly awakening.. twisting and turning..
trying to break through the silken cocoon. I must be dreaming..

No sound was heard.. no trumpets blared..
as the small plain sheath slowly began to tear.. Am I dreaming?

The colors of the rainbow peeked from the silken cage..
Wings spread then fluttered slowly in the wind.. Oh I can feel the wind on my face.. as I smile in my sleep..

Touching here and there.. free in the air.. she soared
Oblivious to the dangers that lay in wait..
Innocent naive..She continued on her way. Step away they said.. stand on your own they said.. I could hear their voices in my sleep state

A web concealed spun in the night.. awaited her on that last flight
Caught in the sticky stands.. she struggled then stilled... Was I screaming in my sleep? Is that me?

A man approached and seeing her plight.. plucked her from the web and placed her in a cage.. Her freedom stolen in the dawns cool light... Each day she struggled
against the chains that bound...I throw off the furs. as I tossed in my sleep.. Until the darkness came... her wings had been clipped.. as she heard him whisper your mine... Was that my voice saying no... no I am dreaming... I must be

I shot up in my furs.. sweat dripping from my face.... I grabbed my fur and throw it over my shoulder and dart out of the wagon towards the cook fires.. and find something to drink.. maybe just some milk.. no more blackwine before bed for me..

It took me a while to realize I was crying.. as I wiped away the tears and sat on my step..

Thoughts and Confussion

So the move was made with little effort.. new grass was found.. but what was lost. News traveled through the wagons that the woman Tarra's mate had passed to the cities of dust.. I am not exactly sure how he died.. but was that what I had seen in the skies that fateful night of blood and fear? Its not possible or is it...

My brother drove the old womans wagon.. and he did not smack him once with the stick.. I was grateful for that.. My brother is not as patient as soom.. he would have likely threw her off the wagon.. But it was uneventful.. thankfully.

I will take her some of my mothers stew and maybe some fresh bread.. to the woman Tarra I mean.. since old Magda has been eating at my fathers fires the last hand or so.. I am sure my father is quite happy about that.. :wiley grin as she wrote:

I have not seen many this move.. I suspose all have their lives to take care of.. I am hoping soon I am risen to the 1st fires.. I am not sure what else I have to do to prove myself.. but I am not giving up.. nope not this tuchuk.. I will work hard.. once I find my place then well.. it will be different.. maybe then some will actually use my name.. I think its a pretty name.. even though my brothers had embellished it. to Yammiekins.. Well I have avoided being painted.. and I am hoping the Ubar has moved on to another project..