Time to Reflect

I could not understand anything of what happenen and who would I talk to about it anyway.. it was something I would have to deal with on my own.. There is nothing however, that would make me think that Seve was anything but insane... Yes Fonce is a good looking warrior.. yes he seems to attrack women life bees to honey... but no.. he would never be worth giving up the right to chose... I do not care how much I loved someone.. if they did not want me as a freewoman then how would being a slave be much different... You are the same person.. So what if you should them how much you would give up to be with them? By then its too late.. you gave it away.. its gone.. you can not get it back... Where does that leave you? I don't care how much she loves him.. If he had loved her.. he would have sent her packing back to her wagon.. or spanked her.. anything but what he did.. That is not love..

I heard her Uncle beat her senseless.. why? She had already lost what sense she had when she submitted to Fonce.. All he did was hurt probably the one person he loved the most.. and that is the crux of the matter.. We both love Seve.. and she selfishly took that love and crushed in.. I was really mad at her Uncle.. but in the end.. its no ones fault but hers.. There were other ways... She could have sat with her Uncle and told him she did not have feelings for Tumka.. maybe he would have listened to her... Now its a mute point.. she is lost to us both as what we knew of her.. Will I abandon her? No... but it will never be the same.. and that is what hurts the most... Am I being selfish.. yes.. I admit it readily.. She was the one that I drew closest too... She knew all my hopes for the furture.. Now there is no one.. I do not feel close to anyone else.. So in a sense..I am mad that she took that away from me.. I am mad that she did not come and tell me.. I am mad that she has given up what I value the most in life.. I am so mad because.. she is my friend.. I am not sure I can ever forgive her for this.. And how will I react when the other women find out... Oh I can see the words just pouring out of their mouths.. I hope I do not haul off and smack one.. I have to keep my temper in check.. I can not let them goad me into something that will naturally turn out bad for me... as that seems to always be the case.. And how do I even speak to Fonce.. he could have told me.. instead of playing questions and answers.. Maybe he was afraid I would have tried to drown him in the stream.. which I still may do..

If this is what love does to a person.. than they can have it.. this is not love to me.. love has nothing to do with it as far as I am concerned.. Seve is just insane.. and I will have to seek out a spex and find a cure... bring her to her senses...

I cried most the night... not because of me.. but because of her.... she will not find what she hoped to seek by being his slave.. Some may call that love.. but its not the love she wanted...

Skies what a mess.. love. bah..