Captive?

I tried to absorb everything Fonce said about Seve.. she was not technically a slave.. huh? She was his captive... and would have to speak to the Ubar... well this is very confusing.. I thought if you submitted you were a slave.. but I guess not really... Another reason never to submit...

I had not talked to Seve in a few days.. but I had heard that she wanted to talk to me.. so.. I waited in my favorite spot.. the Herds... I was sitting there talking to Hiram.. when I heard my name.. Skies above I thought the bosk was talking to me.. but it was not.. thankfully... :grins: It was Seve.. she was dressed.. her hair braided.. she told me that Fonce had freed her... Thank goodness someone had sense about them.. But.. she had changed.. she seemed more relaxed.. We talked it seemed for hours and hours.. we even danced yes.. I danced.. I don't know what happened.. I did not ask.. But I was relieved and happy to see her free again.. You see she is not a slave.. just a mad woman in love with a warrior... Unfortunately she has lost everything she owned to an insane uncle.. well almost everything.. I had borrowed paints and a few brushes.., which she now tells me is no longer her Uncle... I am going to make her a new skirt... a special new skirt.. and will drop of some of my ribbons to her new wagon.. which is close to mine now..

I did not have the heart to tell her that her Uncle destroyed Yew... it was not my place to tell her anyway.. the Ubar or Fonce should...

I told her about the warrior that I am making a bunch of things for.. and of Silkens odd behavior.. We talked about so much.. It was good to have my friend again.. not that she was never my friend... I did not tell her that this warrior mades me smile and so did his children... I am not telling anyone that.. because well.. I don't understand myself so why confuse matters anymore... I was hurt once already . I do not plan on making the same mistake again... I am just doing some leather work for him.. I will not allow my feelings to get that close to the surface again.. And to look a fool again... I would rather not go that way.. no not now.. maybe never.. I just do not know.. He thinks he is too old.. I wanted to say. well if the Ubar can have feelings for a woman that is only 16.. then he is not to old... but I did not say that.. I just smiled to him.

I have kept to myself since all this happened... I have stayed away from the main fires.. I did not want anyone to say anything... that might make me mad.. Maybe they do not understand her... but I do.. I do not agree with it.. it would never be an option for me.. but maybe for her.. it was something she had to do.. maybe to prove to Fonce just how far she would give of herself... Maybe now that knucklehead will move in the right direction... She is perfect for him... She does not talk to much.. she blossoms when he is around... and you can see something in his eyes as well.. this is my hope for her..

Well I think I am going get to my furs.. I have alot of work ahead of me.. and it has to be perfect..

A Chance Meeting

I had just been sitting there . watching the plains.. not really paying very much attention when he appeared.. I had never seen this warrior before.. he was old but not reallly old.. We spoke.. and he asked me if I could maybe trade some work.. In exchange for hides.. Well I said sure.. the prize at the end was a large white bosk hide.. Since he had just been relieved of his duties.. he was heading back to his wagon.. he lived in the outer wagons.. lucky for me it was not close to my parents.. I was kinda hungry myself.. so I followed him.. There a young girl.. ran up and grabbed ahold of his leg.. something about another girl hitting her... Well it seems this was his youngest daughter..Qora.. a pretty little girl about 3.. and not in the least bit shy... She, it seems was into the middle daughters things.. mostly beads... As he looked at his middle daughter.. Shira.. and I winced thinking he was going to hit her after he yelled at her to stop hitting her little sister.. but he didn't.. no he didn't.. He smiled and kissed her on the forehead.. and swung his littlest one to his shoulders.. as we walked towards their fires for cooking..

He sent to two off to find the eldest girl.. Baichu.. a beautful young woman.. She had been making breakfast.. when the youngest informed me.. all they ever at was bosk n gravy . cause thats what her Daddy liked.. but she did not like it.. I had to smile.. what a well behaved child.. She always told me.. in whispers.. as her father tried to hush her, that they also had eggs.. and she did not like them either.. Well by then I was already in love with this little girl... All his children were so well behaved and age appropriate. I am to make them each a pair of boots.. and slippers.. a little dress for the baby... and he wants 2 sets of leathers made... In exchange for hides.. and that white hide..

We ate and talked.. when he had to leave to take care of something.. So I measured each girls foot... and took the measurements of the little girl.. And the oldest one gave me am old set of her fathers leathers.. so I could make him what he wanted..

It will take me a while to get these things all finished.. But I would... I also promised the little girl if she ate all her breakfast.. I would bring her some beads to play with.. It was a very odd morning... I felt.. well odd..

I had almost forgotten about it. because of all the commomoton with Seve and her Uncle and Fonce.. I did so see Seve later at Fonce's wagons.. I was confused by her behavior.. she was hugging him and such. Is that what it does to you? Makes you free to do such things .. :shrugging: I heard he had freed her though until he could speak to the Ubar.. and well... I don;t know whats going to happen to be honest.. I would like my friend back the way she was.. but I don't think that will happen... something has changed in her.. I just want her back the way she was.. not all this other stuff..

It does make you wonder though.. what would you do if confronted with such a situation... I still would never submit.. but what would I do for love.. If the Ubar tries to make me to something I do not want or like.. I think I would make his life so miserable the warrior would beg for it to be disolved.. :grinning: Why should I give all that I am to someone who well. who I do not want to give it to.

I will have to go back in a hand to make sure the boots and slippers all fit..

Time to Reflect

I could not understand anything of what happenen and who would I talk to about it anyway.. it was something I would have to deal with on my own.. There is nothing however, that would make me think that Seve was anything but insane... Yes Fonce is a good looking warrior.. yes he seems to attrack women life bees to honey... but no.. he would never be worth giving up the right to chose... I do not care how much I loved someone.. if they did not want me as a freewoman then how would being a slave be much different... You are the same person.. So what if you should them how much you would give up to be with them? By then its too late.. you gave it away.. its gone.. you can not get it back... Where does that leave you? I don't care how much she loves him.. If he had loved her.. he would have sent her packing back to her wagon.. or spanked her.. anything but what he did.. That is not love..

I heard her Uncle beat her senseless.. why? She had already lost what sense she had when she submitted to Fonce.. All he did was hurt probably the one person he loved the most.. and that is the crux of the matter.. We both love Seve.. and she selfishly took that love and crushed in.. I was really mad at her Uncle.. but in the end.. its no ones fault but hers.. There were other ways... She could have sat with her Uncle and told him she did not have feelings for Tumka.. maybe he would have listened to her... Now its a mute point.. she is lost to us both as what we knew of her.. Will I abandon her? No... but it will never be the same.. and that is what hurts the most... Am I being selfish.. yes.. I admit it readily.. She was the one that I drew closest too... She knew all my hopes for the furture.. Now there is no one.. I do not feel close to anyone else.. So in a sense..I am mad that she took that away from me.. I am mad that she did not come and tell me.. I am mad that she has given up what I value the most in life.. I am so mad because.. she is my friend.. I am not sure I can ever forgive her for this.. And how will I react when the other women find out... Oh I can see the words just pouring out of their mouths.. I hope I do not haul off and smack one.. I have to keep my temper in check.. I can not let them goad me into something that will naturally turn out bad for me... as that seems to always be the case.. And how do I even speak to Fonce.. he could have told me.. instead of playing questions and answers.. Maybe he was afraid I would have tried to drown him in the stream.. which I still may do..

If this is what love does to a person.. than they can have it.. this is not love to me.. love has nothing to do with it as far as I am concerned.. Seve is just insane.. and I will have to seek out a spex and find a cure... bring her to her senses...

I cried most the night... not because of me.. but because of her.... she will not find what she hoped to seek by being his slave.. Some may call that love.. but its not the love she wanted...

Skies what a mess.. love. bah..

Dazed and Confused.. and Lost

I went to the stream.. I had not been able to find Seve anywhere... but at least I was able to finish one task.. because Fonce was there... and it was then I gave him his blanket.. I said I had to go find Seve.. we were suspose to go riding.. One thing led to another and I had a very bad feeling... Twice in one lifetime.. betrayed by a friend... But I had to hear it from her lips... I wanted her to tell me what she had done.. Because only from her would I believe it... and yet.. I did not want to.. my heart was pounding as I returned to the camp... I hollered out her name... and then I spotted her.. wearing his tunic.. her hair unbraided... I screamed for her to get dressed and braid her hair.. I was so angry and upset.. and so very lost over that I saw... My dearest friend.. no longer a butterfly.. Everything we talk of.. our secrets our plans... she took away in a moment of what I assume to be insanity.. Over what?.. Love? Love ... has caused nothing but heartheart.. its evil.. I want nothing to do with it.. Now my friend has succumbed to its vicious touch... All because of her Uncle.. and that man Tumka... a man she did not love nor want... And because of her obiedence to her Uncle she threw it all away and gave herself to Fonce.. Fonce.. my friend.. How do I even approach this... How do I look at my friend now.. as his slave.. She is not a slave. she will never be a slave.. she did this because her Uncle threw her into a virtual corner.. and because she loves Fonce so much... and did not want to wither and die with another man.. she did this... Skies.... I feel so lost.... We did most eveything together... we explored.. we rode.. we had secrets... Do I just throw that all away... do my feelings for my friend just die because of this? My other friend... did the same thing... but I was really to young to understand.. I bought her from the warrior and gave her to my family.. she is now mated to my brother.. and very happy.. But this.. this is so much different.. I am older.. I understand what it all means.. I am so mad.. I am angry.. I am hurt.. and I will feel the lose of my friend... I offered to take her away .. hide her... I offered to try and free her.. but she loves him... Not in any bone of my body can I imagine that love would do this.. Now she has nothing... just that stupid red ribbon... she will never bear his children.. walk along side him... she will have to compete for his attentions from the 3 other girls he has... That is love? I do not think so.. Deseperation I suspose makes a mind snap... As much as I wanted to be with Ayg.. I would never had given up my freedom just to gravel at his feet for a moments attention... I walked away... with all my freedoms entacted... But if this is what makes her happy.. then who am I to say its wrong for her.. I will miss my friend.. she will always have a part of my heart... and I will protect her from the vicious tongues that waggle at the fires.. I will take her when I go riding... and never will she utter the words Mistress to me.. or serve me.. she is my friend... As much as I wish to strangle her right now... Seve.. is and will always be a part of me..

If I get my hands on her Uncle.. I will personally throw him and that warrior Tumka into the deepest part of the stream...

How?

Could you be so cruel?

I woke this morning.. in a rage... I was so mad and so angry at this warrior.. for taking my friends heart and just crushing it.. I know he can not help it.. I know he probably had no idea what to do.. But.. if he were right here in front of me right this very moment.. I would slam dunk him right into the stream...

Maybe he is waiting to see if his ghost appears.. as some seem to have.. Maybe he did not know what to say..

But no one.. ever hurts my friend.. Not even this warrior... I want to ask him.. How.. How could you be so cruel? And especailly after he and I had talked about Agy.. and how.. the "lets be friends" line.. only cuts a women to the quick...

He is still my friend.. I will always be there.. but at this very moment.. the pain is too raw.. Maybe this blanket will help him to see himself...find what he thinks he is missing... What I want can never be..but maybe there is still hope for my friend...

A Friend in Need

I was sitting on the edge of the bank.. hoping that Fonce would show his face.. but he never did.. and so I must wait another day to give him the blanket.. But someone did arrive... Seve... I watched her approach.. she had no seen me when she burst into tears.. sobs actually... I got up..and walked to her.. Seve.. whats wrong..

I got bits and pieces of it from between her sobs.. It would seem that one she gave her heart to.. told her she makes him feel nothing.. .. I frowned who would crush my friend so badly.. then she said "be friends" and I knew.. I knew who it was.. It must an a Ubar phrase.. lets me friends.. .... My heart broke all over again seeing her so distraught.. I know she loved this warrior so very much.. we had spoken about it a few times.. The only thing I could do was be there for her... Hold her... wipe away her tears... Give her words of comfort.. but I know from experience.. none of those things really work... You have to work through it alone.. But I will be there for her.. I tried to say.. a person who feels no love for himself.. can not possible give love to another.. I am not sure she heard me.. But I know until the warrior chases away all his ghosts.. he will never find happiness.. I know he is a good man... He has soul... and he has character.. he just has no confidence in himself...

I had to go... Seve's Uncle had arrived.. and it was late.. I left her in his care.. Skies I hope she did not kill him after I left...

The Kite

A warrior that had returned to the fires... showed me how to fly a kite...

It was interesting.. but I don't think I will do it again.... I must concentrate on my goals.. not play with flying pieces of material... We went to the outer wagons to get some twine.. I noticed a few children that needed new boots... That would be my objective the next few hands.. to make sure they all have new boots.. and to see what else they would need...

I noticed some of my elders... I have not neglected them.. but so much had been going on. that I had not had as much time as I wanted.. Now with so many people returning.. I can slip into the abyss.. and work quietly wtihout being noticed.. I seem to have much luck doing that... I am comfortable in that spot.. I am still not able to stay long around the fires when Mezoo and Ayg are there... they probably do not even realize or care how much it hurts me still to see them together... Ayg is a changed man.. I see a great deal of weakness when he is around Mezoo.. I hope that he can recapture what he was once.. That is what attracted me in the first place.. But its not my place to speak on it in public.. No one would listen anyway..

I sit inside my wagon.. and take the last few nights into great thought.. How is it that some.. have to become prospects when they return.. and others are just welcomed back as if they never left? This is another thing that I will not speak about in public.. I suspose it is what it is... There will always be ways for one.. and ways for another...

But I will still my tongue... and just do what I do daily... And try to stay out of the way..