My Ramblings

I have not really expressed my feelings on proving myself to the become part of the 1st fires.. I am proud.. excited.. It was like a benchmark I set for myself and surpassed it.. An internal sense of pride that no one can take away.. I think I was trying to hard at first.. to please.. to find my place.. and with just a simple request of Cana.. I found it without looking.. I was enjoying myself so much that I never realized it was a lesson..

The elderly sometimes overlooked.. misjudged.. ignored.. and sometimes mistreated.. have become part of my heart.. I know some will pass on.. I undertand its a part of life.. and the circle we form.. but my heart will ache I am sure. I invited one of the old woman to come to the clan fires.. where she once worked her fingers off.. but was set aside by her son when he felt she had become to old.. I could see life flow through her fingers to the leather piece she was working on. There was a shine in her eyes.. I sat next to her as she showed me what she was working on.. I could learn alot from her.. She would tell me stories of the way it was when she was a young woman first finding her place.. She said she never wanted to be of the inner circle of the 1st fires.. all her friends were in the outer wagons, and she was content there. She had beenn claimed not long after her nosering was placed...I asked her if she had loved her mate or had he been chosen for her.. She smiled and patted my hand. Well.. you see it was this way.. My father did not like him.. He was a proud warrior.. and would strut around camp saying soon I would be his.. this irked my father to no end.. And I knew my father would never approve the match.. so. I did what ever good tuchuk woman would do.. I told my father under no certain way would I let that man claim me.. Now.. my father was a man that you did not tell what you were going to do.. but he was a man and did not see through my ruse.. So.. my father.. spoke to Drakes father and the two of them set it up.. :she winked at me: So I got the warrior I wanted without my father knowing what had happened.. And what about you Yamka.. do you have a certain warrior in her heart?.. I hesitated a moment... unsure whether to confide in her or not.. but she was opeing to me. so I said yes there was.. but he would have to find me.. he would have to know with his heart.. that I could not tell him.. He was a man of great power.. and I was just a leatherworker. I told her that I did not want to seem like I was chasing after him.. that if he did not see me.. then it was not meant to be and I would accept that... But I smile to her.. if he does notice me.. and his heart calls to mine.. I would love him forever.. and take care of him.. I would bear him sons.. and daughters if the skies allowed it.. and never hurt him...

She patted my arm and smiled.. I hope he hears your heart calling to his Yamka.. when the time is right all will fall into place.. but what will you do if he choses another? .. I told her I had thought about that.. and that I would be happy for him.. that if that is where he was called then it was meant to be.. And as long as he is happy then all is right.. :she nodded her head: That is sound thinking.. but I added.. if she ever hurt him in anyway.. she would answer to me afterwards.. And the old woman laughed and smiled.. you do love him then.. and I just smiled..

It was time to head back to the wagons.. and I walked her to hers.. where one of her sons was waiting.. I nodded.. and hugged her... I will see you tomorrow..