Dragging my Heels

Why the hell did I go to the fires.. what was in my mind.. wait.. they are my fires too.. I belong there.. I was accepted.. I am of the 1st Fires.. no longer called prospect.. Yet.. I could feel the heel drag as I left my wagon and moved to the cook fires.. Arsria and Mezzo were there.. Did I really want to sit and listen to idle chatter about things that mean nothing to me?.. Ah hell.. my feet took me to where I wanted to go.. food.. I was starving.. I had failed to eat more than fruit mostly cause I was scared I would throw it all up with the way I was feeling.. Hurt tends to make you not feel so good..

The little looks.. the soft ost like smiles.. the I know you know I know you know looks.. I pushed it all behind me.. I am not gonna let that crap that I have seen some of the women at the outer wagons do... I am above it.. I am a kind and gentle person.. I made a mistake of wearing my heart on my sleeve. I was glad Cana and Tarra arrived.. at least maybe the conversation would turn.. Seve arrived also.. I was so glad she did.. I consider her my friend.. my confidante.. but there things I would not tell her either.. I think Ayg was right.. there are Osts that are women.. I did not believe him.. I thought it impossible.. but there are..

Asria asked if I had brothers? I said yep 7.. she thought perhaps they should check my axels not me.. Huh? I have always done this task.. since I was big enough to lift the brush and get into the grease... And then I felt a smack across my cheek.. When Mezzo ask Cana if she knew how to grease axels? Like what I lied? I did not say anything.. but I think some woman have been pampered.. How is that possible on the plains? My father had me fixing leather before I could remember.. working my clan as a young child.. I learned to ride before I could walk properly.. I was greasing axels with my mother.. when I could still walk under a wagon.. and they do not know these things? Basic things all tuchuks should know? How is that possible..

They constantly spoke about the elements.. I wanted to rub my temples.. I was glad when Tarra.. spoke on them... I know what the elements mean to me.. simple things.. nothing that a simple tuchuk would understand.. Wind.. brings a cool breeze when the sun is hot.. carries the seeds of flowers and grass so it lands and grows.. which then feeds our bosk which then feeds and clothes us.. Water.. to keep our throats from being dry. to clean the dirt from our backs.. to cook with.. to wash the air so we might breath.. Air.. the breath of life, without air we cease to exsist.. Fire.. warms us when its cold... cooks our food.. and lastly Spirt.. our hearts and souls. our inner secrets.. our will to move on.. to always press forward and never regress back.. I have felt my spirit these last few hands.. struggle with life.. but I know we will both make it safely out of the turmoil we are going through.. and come out stronger.. and wiser.. These are what the elements mean to me.. but I kept silent.. because these are simple answers.. There is no great mystery.. but then I am a simple woman.. And one day.. this simple woman mate a great warrior... bringing more warriors to build and strengthen the plains.. and what we stand for..

So anyway.. I stayed at the fires til my eyes could not keep open. I headed for my wagons..