Love Wars

At first I was not thrilled with being here... I did not want to mingle with dwellers.. nor did I wish to listen to the catty words of the women.. I was a bit overwhelmed by our own women at the 1st stakes... To me they sounded more like snotty slaves than freewomen... I wonder what I would have done? I don't think I could have said some of the things they did.. I was embarrassed a little bit.. the turian women were just as bad.. I have to wondered where these the best? Mouths like gutter snipes? This would be pleasing to a man? Confusion seemed to just settle in my mind.. but I did not say anything... Finally we went back to the camp.. and there I was even given more confusion as my brother showed up wearing some silly looking mask... And announcing he was a black mask? Huh? I knew he always wanted that honor.. but I did not know he was one.. and as the Ubar pointed out. he was not... I think my brother was embarrassed and shamed.. the Ubar asked him to leave.. which saddened me to no end.. I had not seen Sam for a long while... and just the moment I did get to see him made me realize how much I missed my family.. Forbidden to visit their wagons.. pissed my father off to no end. and he refused to allow my mother to come see me.. My brothers showed up once in awhile.. but not ever often.

Even Ary was being nice.. I wonder if someone slipped him some paga slowly during the day... Poor Seve.. I could tell she was really sore... I felt bad for her.. but not much.. she is the one that rode that silly beast.. :she shrugged: We talked about my beads. and what I was going to do with them...I had been throwing an idea around for a while.. and then it fell into place as I sat there and watched Fonce.. I like Fonce.. oh not in that way.. but there is something about him something very deep that just brings him so close to humanity then draws him back.. I have to wonder sometimes who hurt him so badly in the beginning of his life.. because thats where it had to have started.. No love gone bad could have placed such a scar on his life.. No this was something from his beginnings.... but maybe I could bring just a smile to his heart.. so we will see.. Our beginnings I think is where our lifes are formed... Perhaps that is why I tend to see myself in a different light than others.. When you are told from birth you are unworthy.. it can tend to grow on you.. and form your own opinions... I understand now why Ayg did not wish to get to know me better.... I was not worthy enough to be an object of love.. maybe I never will be... I don't know.. but if I ever do get so lucky.. any child I have will know from its birth how much its loved... if I could pray to the skies.. thats what I would ask for... but I do not pray to the skies... I will have to rely on fate to intercede..