Truth Be Told

I was in my usual place.. resting my chin on my knees.. watching the bosk.. it was quiet.. peaceful.. a place where no one can hurt me.. I was quite capable of doing that to myself. I mind and heart had manage to kill what ever it was feeling for Ayg.. now he was just Ubar.. I drew that protective cocoon round what hurt and shoved it way back inside.. There was no sense in dwelling in what was not ever meant to be.. Yet a part of me feels that he was worth it.. Some parts of hurt you just can not budge out of place and that is betrayal.. Within the past few hands.. I had seen things.. and heard things.. that confused me on what a friend really was. When it came to men.. I have found some women to be friendless.. I can only hope that one day they feel the heart pains that I feel.. Vendictive? no.. Some say it was not her fault.. but inside I know.. Words outshine the actions that I had seen with my own eyes..

And now betrayed again... this time by a warrior... of whom I know littel about or of.. and I am not sure why? Maybe I look like a victim waiting for an accident to happen.. but never again... Asria was hurt.. people are mad.. and I do not know how to fix it.. Her cold shoudler and that she calls friends was evident at the ceremony.. I doubt she would believe anything I had to say.. so I said nothing.. and this brings us to the grassy knoll where sit now.. He pushed his way into my space with his words.. and then asked me to explain mine.. So Fonce and I spoke.. not in great length.. I told him what was said.. and who was there... As always his words seem to make more sense than my own.. And so we both went back to the camp and I sought out Asria.. We spoke.. and settled it... Sometimes I feel she talks to much and asks things she does not really want to know... What Fonce and I spoke of is between me and Fonce.. no one else... As far as I am concerned its done..

After everyone left..I spoke to Fonce about my dream... A nightmare really.. one that seems to repeat it self each night I close my eyes... I tried some tea that Kaeli offered... but for some reason that only seemed to make me sleep more.. and the dream was violent and more colorful .

It started as it always does.. I am thrown into the water...I can not see who does it.. but I know they have large hands..my braid is ripped apart from its neat tight weave... so my hair floats in the water and wraps itself around my face... I can hear the voices fighting... I can barely make out the sounds.. its a man and a woman...kill it.. he said.. its only a girlchild... the woman is crying.. its mine..
A daughter.... I tried to fight my way to the voices, but again I can not swim.. I am bound by something in this waterery grave... its a helpless feeling.. The man again yells at the woman.. sons.. only sons.. you dishonor me with a girl? It almost sounds like my fathers voice.. but he would never say that to my mother? he loves my mother.. She will never be worthy of anything or anyone... His voice is menacing... almost a snear.. You raise her I want nothing to do with her... she is your child..

Someone grabbed me from behind... I could feel the cold steel against my throat.. I kick and squirm.. I can taste the blood on my lips.. as I wake up with a start... again my body and furs covered in a slick sweet sweat.. and there is blood.. My hand when to my neck but I could not feel anything there were no cuts.. nothing.. My hair is tangled and wet.. My body shakes as I get up and get dressed.. as I leave my wagon.. one of the nightriders.. follows me to the herds.. I went back to sit on my grassy knoll... and there.. I fell back to sleep.. with him standing watching me.. not the deep sleep.. but enough I hope to keep me going for the rest of my day.

Later I would take my furs and leave them on the steps of Fonce's wagon... as he requested.