I am so ready to go back to the spot on the plains we call home.. Tonight is the last night.. and I have not decided whether to go watch or sit on my step. I did not go watch the last one.. I have come to the conclusion that having friends is a very hard thing to do.. Some how we are are splattered against the stream of life.. and its hard to be unbiased.. Seve is my best friend at least from my point of view.. but I also know she likes Mezzo and Asria.. neither one have much to do with me.. so I tend to hang back and let Seve do her own thing when they are at the fires.. Does this mean I do not like them? No.. it just means we are on different levels of thought.. I see things one way and they another.. is not wrong or bad.. but it does not make for friends.. And I am alright with this.. I can not be happy for Mezzo.. not yet... maybe never I don't know.. I do not blame her any longer.. and after watching Ayg for a few days.. I can see that perhaps my heart was jumping way ahead of my brain.. He yells.. he has to many slaves.. I think the more time I spend apart the easier it has become.. I wish he and I could be friends.. but I do not see that coming anywhere down the road.. I have a feeling that what friends that are women he may have... will be limited.. :shruggs: just my opinion... and would I say that outloud.. Oh skies no... Lately I have been keeping alot just bundled up inside.. hiding behind a wall of something or other.. When we get home I will go talk to Hiram about it all.. so I might get a little bosk spit on me.. its worth it .. it saves me from getting hollared at and I get the emotion out in the skies so it can filter itwas way to the ground and be held there...
I have my beads.. my work my eldars.. I am content.. Would I Like to have love? Oh most definately but when the time is right... and the warrior is right.. until then.. I just plod along best I can.. doing what I can do best.. Thats all anyone could ask for right?
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